Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
