Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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