I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
