You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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