I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
