You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
