I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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