Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
