i would punch a child for taco bell
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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