So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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