what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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