the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
