Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
