Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
