Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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