What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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