I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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