i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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