Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
