Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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