I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
