I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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