I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
