do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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