Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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