I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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