All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
