Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
