Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
