Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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