Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
