My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
