I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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