just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
