she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dick very happy bro
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
