If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
