Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
