mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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