I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Why did my mother make you get naked?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
