Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Farmville is her only friend.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
