i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
