my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
