I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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