I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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