i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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