im gay
i know
yea but for you.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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