I cannot find my penis.
I CAN MOONWALK!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
