you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
