dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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