all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
