I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
