Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
