I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
