so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
