why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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