Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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