I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
