He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
